


Between the Past and the Pain

by starksparkr



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 07:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16677517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starksparkr/pseuds/starksparkr
Summary: On the screen is a log entry, dated April 12 of 2009. A knot forms in Peter’s stomach, but he can’t pinpoint why. He can’t shake the feeling that this is something he isn’t supposed to see, but he opens the log entry.





	Between the Past and the Pain

_“We've been living in the shadows everyday_

_Are we ever gonna learn from our mistakes?_

_Our innocence, our ignorance were lost but they'll be found_

_The innocence of years we spent_

_I remember the day, between the past and the pain_

_We were never afraid of places unknown_

_There was nothing to fear, there was faith in the air_

_We will never be scared of letting go_

_What happened to the world I used to know?_

_What happened to the world I used to know?_

_What happened to the world I used to know?_

_We've been given all these chances everyday_

_Another step to take in this could change_

_Our innocence, our ignorance were lost but they'll be found_

_The innocence of years we spent_

_I remember the day, between the past and the pain_

_We were never afraid of places unknown_

_There was nothing to fear, there was faith in the air_

_We will never be scared of letting go_

_What happened to the world I used to know?_

_Even though it's not the same_

_Remember when we made our first steps_

_It's always just a thought away_

_Holding on to never forget_

_I_ _still feel it now_

_I remember the days, between the past and the pain_

_We were never afraid of places unknown_

_There was nothing to fear, there was faith in the air_

_We will never be scared of letting go_

_What happened to the world I used to know? (I used to know, I used to know?)_

_What happened to the world I used to know? (I used to know, I used to know?)_

_We were living in the shadows everyday_

_Are we ever gonna learn from our mistakes?_

_What happened to the world I used to know?” –_ We Came As Romans, _The World I Used To Know_

* * *

            Peter doesn’t think much of it when Tony lets him dig through the Stark archives. Tony’s been trying to figure out just how he can use past models of his own tech to improve the newer builds, and it’s far from the first time he’s done this.

            “How’s the research going over there, kiddo?” Tony asks him. He is fully immersed in his holographic displays, shifting things around with his fingers as necessary. “Any leads?”

            “Hold on, give me a sec!” Peter says. He flips through various articles, some of which go back to the founding of Stark Industries. A few of them mention Howard Stark, but nothing of significance shows up on the screen—until it does. On the screen is a log entry, dated April 12 of 2009. A knot forms in Peter’s stomach, but he can’t pinpoint why. He can’t shake the feeling that this is something he isn’t supposed to see, but he opens the log entry:

 

_April 12 2009. 25:49pm. It’s done. I had to do it; it was for the best, but why do I feel so guilty? I keep telling myself that I didn’t have any other choice—but I know better. I still can’t get Afghanistan out of my head. I see Yinsen bleeding out in front of me, and there’s nothing I can do to save him. I couldn’t let that happen to anyone else._

_Rhodey tells me that it’s supposed to be on Oceanic Airlines Flight 240, and I’ve had JARVIS confirm this. 300 passengers on board—and their blood is on my hands. I couldn’t let HYDRA do it. I can never tell Pepper about this; she’d never understand, and she knows something’s wrong. I haven’t slept in days, and I can only quiet my thoughts with the bottle. God, I sound like my father. I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself for this._

Peter can’t bring himself to read any more. It goes on for several more paragraphs—and yet, all he can feel is horror. _Oceanic Airlines Flight 240. My parents._ Bile rises in his throat, and his eyes burn. _This can’t be true, it can’t be happening_ —but it is. It is all too real. He closes out of the archives and rises from his seat, grabbing his backpack and heading for the door. He can’t bring himself to look at Tony

            “Kid? Peter, what is it?” Tony asks. “What’s wrong?” Peter has almost made it to the door when he feels Mr. Stark’s hand on his shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

            “Oceanic Flight 240—is it true?” The words are choked.

            “Pete, you’re not making any sense—”

            “Don’t lie to me! _My parents were on that plane_!” Peter lets out a humorless chuckle through his tears, but it comes out more as a sob. “God, Mr. Stark, I’m not sure what’s worse: the fact that you shot down a plane full of innocent people or that my parents were on that plane when it went down!”

            “Oh my god… Peter, I can explain everything. Please, just listen to—”

            “ _How the hell can you justify killing 300 innocent people_?” he shouts. “Let me go, Mr. Stark. I can’t even look at you right now.”

            “Peter… there are things that you don’t know, things I could never tell you—”

            “Don’t feed me that bullshit. I don’t want to hear it.” Peter jerks himself out of Tony’s reach and storms out of the lab. _He killed your parents. Mr. Stark killed your parents._

* * *

 

            Tony knows he shouldn’t be here, but he needs to see Peter. _You did that to him. How long did you think you could keep running from the past? Keeping it buried like that?_ He rings the doorbell. Surely, Peter has told May about what happened by now. Tony tries to ignore his hammering heart as the door opens.

            “What do you want, Mr. Stark?” hisses May Parker. “Why are you here?”

            “I need to see Peter. Please, May, let me see him. I fucked up, and I need to make it right.”

            “I don’t know what the fuck happened, but whatever it is that happened between the two of you, Peter is a mess because of it. Good day, Mr. Stark.” She slams the door, but Tony intercepts the door just as its about to close. _Please. I need to explain. Please. God, Peter, I am so fucking sorry._

            “May… please. Let me see him. I don’t know if I can ever make it right, but I need to explain.”

            “He doesn’t want to talk to you, Tony. _He doesn’t want to see you_.”

            “May, I’m begging you. Please, let me see him.”

            “Fine, but I’m doing it for him. Not you. Do you understand?” Tony can only nod before he bounds up the staircase. He raps on Peter’s door, and his heart wrenches in his chest. Peter is crying quietly on the other side of the door.

            “Kid? Kid… it’s me. It’s Tony.” There is no response. Only the sound of quiet and choked sobbing. “I know you don’t want to talk to me, and that’s okay. I just… I need you to listen to me. I don’t expect you to forgive me or to understand, but I need you to know why I did it. Peter… you may not believe me now when I say this, but I didn’t have any other options.  I had to think of the lives of billions of people, and not just those who were on that plane. Not everyone on that plane was guilty—I don’t know if your parents were with HYDRA or not, but… what I did—it was a last resort. I swear to God, it was a last resort.”

* * *

 

            Peter sits leaning against the door, tears blinding his vision and pouring down his cheeks. _This is too much, this is too much._ He knows Tony is outside his door before he starts talking.

            “Kid? Kid… it’s me. It’s Tony.” Peter leans his head against the door, covering his mouth with his hand to stifle his sobs. He doesn’t trust himself to speak. “I know you don’t want to talk to me, and that’s okay. I just… I need you to listen to me.” There is no mistaking the raw agony, the slight wavering, in Tony’s voice. “I don’t expect you to forgive me or to understand, but I need you to know why I did it.”

            _You murdered 300 people, my parents among them._

            “Peter, you may not believe me now when I say this, but I didn’t have any other options. I had to think of the lives of billions of people, and not just those who were on board on that plane. Not everyone on that plane was guilty—I don’t know if your parents were with HYDRA or not, but… what I did—it was a last resort. I swear to God, it was a last resort.” Tony lets out a shaky sigh. “Please…” Something in his voice breaks Peter on the inside even more, and he gets to his feet and unlocks the door, opening it. He gives a shake of his head as tears spill down his cheeks anew, pressing a hand to his mouth as he sits on the bed.

            A sob tears itself out of his chest before he can stop it, and another one and another. Peter buries his face in his hands as he breaks down sobbing. He doesn’t even bother pushing Tony away as Tony pulls him into his arms, stroking his hair as he cries.

            “I’m sorry, kiddo.”

            FIN


End file.
